Mum’s fury as autistic daughter barred from school prom weeks before GCSEs

A defiant mum is staging a prom for her heartbroken daughter after she was snubbed by her Solihull school. Victoria Finch said her 16-year-old Isabella was devastated by the news, which she received ahead of her GCSE exams.

Isabella was chalked off Tudor Grange Academy Kingshurst’s invite list as she has too many strikes for ‘bad behaviour’ and an attendance of below 95 per cent. But Victoria, 38, says this is down to Isabella’s autism.

The mum-of-one said: “I got an email two weeks before GCSEs saying she’d been put on early study leave and had not been invited to the prom. The timing was terrible. It was three days before we were due to collect her dress.

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“She threw her books away and said she didn’t want to go – she said there was no point. She was very upset and I know it can seem trivial with prom being ‘American’ but it means a lot to kids.

“I was told she wouldn’t be invited and the next text was asking if she wanted a leavers’ hoodie. They’re already very stressed so that just added to it.”

Headteacher Nicola Crehan has said that going to prom is a privilege. The rules surrounding invites were made clear to students, she added, in assemblies from September last year, as well as in a letter sent home in January. But Victoria feels the rules are not fair.

Isabella, from Birmingham, was named head girl and thrived academically During primary school. But after years of lockdowns due to Covid, she could not settle in the classroom.

Victoria told CoventryLive’s sister title BirminghamLive: “The whole of Year 8 and 9 were during Covid and they would go in for a few weeks then be back at home. Isabella had to try and find her way through independent learning.

“She’s an only child and me and her dad were key workers, so she had to suddenly go into being isolated like so many others. When she went back to school after Covid – she struggled to settle back down along with many other pupils. The structure was different so they had a lot to get used to.”

Over the last couple of years, Isabella began to show tendencies associated with Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) including sticking to a regimented structure and not being able to look people in the eye. Victoria says she attempted to get a referral for an assessment through the school, but it was delayed for 18 months.

Frustrated, Isabella was taken to her GP who referred her for an ASD assessment just four days later. The teen has since been diagnosed with Asperger’s, a form of autism.

An avid horse rider, Isabella is set to attend an equestrian college in the autumn. Victoria added: “People at the yard started to pick things up and told me she seemed to have OCD. Then later when she was in Year 10, the school started telling us that she was struggling with things and needed structure.

“Isabella was struggling with the change of teachers and classrooms. We went private for a dyslexia test when her grades began to slip. She had never been in trouble but her friendship groups all changed and it was a lot at 15.

“My dad died at that time too and so it was a lot. Her attendance was 100 per cent but she was told she needed to settle into class a lot quicker.”

Victoria says that as Isabella has never been disruptive or abusive in her behaviour, she should be allowed to go to prom. The teen had been looking forward to the event and ordered her dress in November last year. But instead of joining the class party, she was told she is not welcome.

This is the case for many pupils at the school, Victoria said, including those with less than 95 per cent attendance. A spokesperson for the school said: “Tudor Grange Academy Kingshurst is proud to encourage good behaviour in its pupils and celebrate those children who have consistently made a positive contribution throughout year 11.

“We will continue to support those children who have done the right thing by attending school regularly and by being responsible in displaying respectful behaviour.”

Victoria, who works in events at The Limes Country Lodge Hotel in Solihull said: “I might be classed as one of those moms where your daughter hasn’t been picked so you’re throwing a tantrum – but it’s not that way. She questions a lot because of her ASD and it’s seen as answering back.

“It’s not like she’s come into school brandishing a machete. It felt like she wasn’t picked and she’ll have a lifetime of competing and kids don’t need this after all they’ve been through with Covid. They missed work experience and Duke of Edinburgh as well as fun trips because of Covid, it is a shame.”

Speaking about her behaviour in school, the mum continued: “She started having detentions in Year 11 but she’s never shouted out or been physical with anyone. But she had a safety blanket thing with her coat and would get put in detention and isolation because she didn’t take it off straight away in class.

“She’d get given 30 seconds to take it off but her ASD means that she has no sense of time. We were basically told that she only had a few months left of school so we should just ‘ride it out’ until she left.

“She gets labelled rude for not making eye contact with people but she struggles. She will turn away because she doesn’t like confrontation.”

After calling to cancel the order for Isabella’s prom dress, Victoria was given the idea to put on her own event. “I called Bridal Prom Bar to cancel the dress and the lady said ‘why don’t you put one on yourself?'” she said.

“She had done just that when Covid cancelled a prom. I work in the industry so I thought I’d see what I could do. We have a run of seven proms in one week here so it’s a busy time.

“But our owner said straight away that we should get them all here and give them a fantastic night. A lot of my suppliers have been fantastic including Ava May Bridal who have donated 20 dresses.

“West Midlands Party Décor have donated flower walls and light-up letters. Our invites were donated – it has been fantastic.”

The event is set to take place on June 24 with 89 students having expressed an interest in going. Victoria wanted to hold it on the same day as the school’s event, but settled for a few days earlier instead.

“I understand poor behaviour can’t be disregarded, but it isn’t all that,” she said. “Some of these children have been affected by things out of their control.

“Some kids are coming to this one to be with more of their friends rather than the school’s prom. At the moment we’ve had 89 signed up to the group and are interested in coming.

“It is an expensive time but I’ve asked people to let me know if they’re struggling and I’ve tried to keep the ticket price as low as I can. We just want them to have something to finish off their year.

“Isabella is going to a college with no one she knows so it’s nice for her to be able to celebrate with all of her friends as they won’t be together next year.”

A statement from headteacher Nicola Crehan said: “It is a privilege for our children to attend the prom. Through assemblies from September and a letter in January, the school repeatedly shared its clear guidelines with pupils about the criteria for receiving an invitation to the prom.

“The criteria included regular attendance to school and positive behaviour in and around school. The letter stipulated that this was a fresh start for all learners from this point. Where pupils had not fulfilled this criteria, the school set personal targets to support them and these were discussed with individual children and families.”

The statement continued: “The vast majority of students will be attending prom. The fact that so many students are invited is testament to the resilience and dedication shown by these students and we will continue to be amazed and proud of the huge number of exceptional children who are part of our academy community.”

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