Skip to content
The Reverend Richard Coles reveals the one lesson he’s learned from life
Pop star-turned-clergyman Richard, 61, is now a broadcaster and writer.
His latest novel, A Death In The Parish, is a sequel to his bestselling debut Murder Before Evensong.
In the 1980s Richard had a successful music career, in Bronski Beat and then in The Communards.
He was ordained as a vicar in 2005 and retired last year. His husband David died in 2019 and he now lives on the coast in East Sussex.
MOST THINGS IN LIFE ARE SURVIVABLE
Widowhood is pretty awful. My husband David and I loved each other and were together for 12 years but it was a rollercoaster: David was an alcoholic and that’s what killed him.
Lockdown happened right after David died. I missed him so much and thought I would never get used to it, so I just sat on a bean bag in the back garden with my dogs and watched the trees come into leaf and listened to the birds sing. As dreadful as it was, I knew that difficult times are survivable.
The second hardest time of my life was growing up in Kettering, Northamptonshire, and realising I was gay in 1975. I seemed to be this thing that everyone thought was deplorable. I concluded my chances of life happiness weren’t great, so I moved to London.
When David died, I knew that there could be another rewarding and exciting life for me. There was guilt, though. I felt that moving on would make me derelict in my duties as the high priest at the shrine of David’s memory. Now I’ve found happiness again with Richard. We met on a dating app. He’s 58 and I’m 61, and at this age you just cut to the chase.
My 60s are proving to be brilliant. I’ve learnt to move more slowly and enjoy what’s in front of me.
When I was younger, I felt the need to re-invent myself all the time. Back then, everything was a drama: love drama, failed-love drama, work drama. I think it was to do with feeling that life had to be turbo-charged. Over time I’ve learnt that there’s quite enough going on, without stirring it with a stick.
- The Rev Richard Coles is an ambassador for Independent Bookshop Week, June 17-24) (booksaremybag.com/IndependentBookshopWeek/About). A Death In The Parish (£18.99, W&N) is out now.
