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By Marc Munroe Dion
Jakarta is the capital of Indonesia. You might want to write that down the way I did before I started this column.
And Jakarta is sinking, or the Java Sea, which surrounds Jakarta, is rising, both of which will have much the same effect on real estate values in the area.
To be exact, both things are happening. Climate change is making the ocean rise. At the same time, thousands of the city’s residents have dug illegal wells to get at clean water. When they suck the clean water out, the ground sinks to take up the space where there used to be water.
The government of Indonesia wants to move the capital away from Jakarta, to build a whole new city a long way away, and everyone who lives in Jakarta can go live in the new city, and poof! The problem, it is solved.
The new city will be “green,” with a carbon footprint like the paw print of a little kitten.
It’s gonna be a trick getting the 30 million people who live in and around Jakarta to move, but the thought of drowning in your living room is a strong persuader.
Still, it’s a lot of trouble just to solve a little problem like a sinking capital city. There’s got to be an easier way, and there is.
What the Indonesians should do is apply American know-how to the problem.
You remember American know-how? Me neither. Think man on the moon, conquering polio and the atom bomb. That was American know-how.
I haven’t even heard the phrase “know-how” in maybe 45 years, but we know how. Here are several American ways to deal with sinking Jakarta.
No. 1: Refuse to believe it’s happening. Climate change is a myth, so it just looks like it’s happening. Cities have been rising and falling naturally for millions of years. The next Ice Age will fix it.
No. 2: Hunter Biden. Don’t tell me he hasn’t been crack-smoking his way through this unnatural disaster.
No. 3: Blame George Soros. Ever since he was a 13-year-old general in Hitler’s army, Soros has been sneaking around the world ruining things.
No. 4: Illegal wells? Don’t Jakartans have the right to drill and keep wells? Anyway, these are illegal wells. What about law-abiding well owners? Will they outlaw wells in the new capital city? If you outlaw wells, only outlaws will have wells.
No. 5: Epstein’s client list.
No. 6: Blame Communism.
No. 7: It’s a conspiracy. The New World Order wants people to move to expensive “green” cities, so they’re making the ocean rise.
No. 8: Fear-mongering. If they can make you afraid of drowning in your living room, and get you to move to a new city, then they can get you to do anything. It’s all about control.
No. 9: Pretend nothing is happening. It’s worked on the Mexican border for several decades, so it’ll work in Jakarta.
No. 10: Build a wall around Jakarta and keep the sea from getting into the city. Indonesia tried this, but it didn’t work. Still, it’s probably worth trying again.
No. 11: More Communism.
No. 12: Hillary Clinton.
No. 13: Jakarta is the capital city, right? Storm the capital. Stop the Sink!
No. 14: Put prayer back in the classroom, teach the kids to write in cursive and stop letting the schools indoctrinate kids about climate change. The kids can find out about the dangers of drowning when they’re drowning. Let ’em be kids for a while.
Americans may not have the know-how to fix things, but we know how to stand in rising water and pretend our shoes aren’t getting wet. Let’s share that knowledge with the world.
© Creators, 2023
